Growin Up

I was up late last night baking…yes, baking. I think I finally got my grandmothers pie crust right, which is a major accomplishment for me.

When I finally made it to bed, I spent some time just watching Vicki sleep. She looked so beautiful and peaceful and cozy, and I just sat there watching her and thinking. I found myself wondering how I got to this place in my life. I have a wife, and two daughters; I have a house with a mortgage and a barn; I have a semi-responsible job that is actually a not a job, but a career. It’s like I’ve been cruising along, and I suddenly look around and I’ve become a grownup! Now, I know that I have been an adult for quite some time, and I live an adult life; but I don’t often feel like an adult on the inside. I still see myself like I was in college: spending all of my free time, playing cards, or video games, or softball, or fantasy baseball...that's the guy I feel like, but the truth is I don’t spend my time that way anymore. I have an Xbox that I rarely play, my fantasy baseball team is in last place for the second year in a row, and I’m too “out of shape” to play softball (is that an oxymoron?).

For the most part I have a very grown-up life (and lifestyle), but should I feel like a grown-up (and what does that really mean?) Should I give up the Xbox, or get the new Xbox 360? Am I starting a mid-life crisis? I am almost 40, and have been thinking about sports cars a lot lately. :-) All kidding aside, my grandfather was right when he said your're only as young as you feel.

As I sat there looking at Vicki, I guess my real thought was that I am just so amazed and blown away that someone like me could be blessed with and entrusted with the responsibility for such a wonderful family as I have. I often don’t feel worthy or up to the task, but God obviously knows better. I am certainly glad that He does.